The day after . . .

. . . My birthday that is. I had a great birthday. Mom took me to Cracker Barrel. Got lots of calls from lots of friends. Had a date with Meg(see below). Watched Shawshank Redemption for the first time. Great movie. I'm being a lazy bum so far with my break, sleeping till noon and whatnot. I feel like I should do something with myself; read a book (actually, I am), learn a new skill, help an old lady cross the street, knit. I find I'd rather just be a bum and eat good food and drink good drink. Lots of things going through my mind, I don't know whether to put them here or not. I realize the purpose of these things can be multifunctional(yes I am using a semicolon twice in one post); as a journal, as an interest site, as a place where you can say whatever you want and rant and all that crap. I still haven't decided what mine is. I have some journal-like entries regarding school, but really, that's not deep thought James. I have a column I write for the web site of my church college group www.journeycollege.com , and there are deep thoughts there and things to chew on but I don't know. I feel like I've mislead you as the reader with the title of my blog. You're not really getting inside my brain, you're just getting the stuff that floats to the top. Maybe it's that you're not getting into my soul. I dont' know. I would like to put personal stuff on here, stuff that reveals my true self, but I'm scared. I don't know why though, the people that I do know that read this wouldn't pass judgment on me. Maybe it's that I mostly know who is reading it and that it would almost be like writing for a set group. I'll work on it. Meg and I were talking about tragedies in our lives. Her losing her brother and me losing my dad. We thought the same on alot of that and it was good to talk to somebody about Dad's death that knew kinda what I was going through. I never really talk about it much. It's not that I don't want to. I loved my dad and love talking about him and remembering him. It seems like the people that know about his death act all uncomfortable when I mention him. Not all the time, or all the people, but some. And they always get this sad look on their face when I do. I feel sorry for them, that they feel all uncomfortable. I dont' know weather they just feel sorry for me or don't know how to deal with it. I really don't know how some of my school friends found out. I didn't really tell people. Dad died the summer before I transferred to Auburn, and when I got there, I wasn't like "Hi I'm James, my dad just died". Neither did I hide it. Anybody who asked about my family I told, I wasn't embarrassed or anything. Dr. Powell knew after like the first week. I wondered if it would spread like a rumor mill and eventually get back to me or what. I don't know. Mrs. MacDonald's husband worked with my dad, so it wasn't like nobody knew at all. Jeff didn't find out till the end of that first sememster. I guess I just didn't want pity. I didn't want people to say "that kid's dad just died give him a break". I wanted to prove myself for who I was and my skills, not who my dad was or what happened to me. I don't know where I was going with all of this, but it does feel kinda good to get it all out, even if only four people are gonna read it.